Simple solution for a complicated lie

Yesterday me and my son were sitting on the couch watching TV, well I was watching TV he was on Facebook and texting. He said “Hey Mom Brooklyn was born in 91 right?”

(He was referring to his oldest sister) I replied “Uh Huh”, really not getting where the conversation was heading. He then took his nose of his screen long enough to say “You said you were 17 when you had her right?” 

At this point I wasn’t squirming I was thinking to myself is he trying to figure out what year I was born? 

Then it came…. He said “You married her Dad in November 1990?”

At this point I was wishing I hadn’t stressed so hard for him to go in math.  I answered him as I was trying to think of something I needed to do in the other room or heck in the next state.

“Uh yeah Bud.”

Geesh what is with this kid, Is this a pop quiz???? He then proceeded to sit and stare at the floor. At this point I KNEW what he was doing!!! Math, yes I said it Math. I knew I had seconds to react so I said “Your sister was early!” He said “Yes Mom I know but was she 4 months early?”

With that the cat was out of the bag, we spent the next 45 minutes talking of Mommy’s mistakes.

I was asked about drinking under the age of 21.

I was asked if I had ever done drugs.

He asked if I had ever broken the law.

I answered all of his questions with honesty, it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  After our conversation I did feel like I had just been caught by my Dad after sneaking in after a party that I SHOULD’NT have been at, but I felt like my son saw in me, the things he shouldn’t get involved with. Most parents want to keep all those skeletons in the closet and make their children believe they were Church-going, rosy cheeked children and for the most part…..

That is the farthest thing from the Truth.

 Oh and for good measures I even threw in the whole wrapping up when it came to sex.

Come on I have extras left over....

You know you live in the south when the house wine is sweet tea, your Grandma is called a Me Maw, duck tape fixes everything and deer hunting is a religion.

I however was raised this way but felt like an alien. I liked champagne, loved my pradas and never I saw NEVER lived on a farm.

I however was faced with my own Jerry Springer moment when my sister moved in with my EX husband….. Yes EX HUSBAND. I was married for 16 years to a man and now my sister needs a second dose of the life I had.

How does that happen and at what point is that normal? My family basically just ignores it…. Really???????

I can’t help but laugh only in the south is acceptable to live with your ex brother-n-law….

EX BROTHER-N-LAW

Say it with me…….

So I’m the crazy one?

The search for the perfect man, and he is'nt a blow up doll.

The search for the perfect man…

Perfection is very intriguing to me, what seems so complex is rather simple.

I need a man that will steal a glace at me that no one sees, but I feel.

A man that would kiss my forehead on a day I’m not feeling so well.

A man that as I’m washing the dishes, he wraps his arms around my waist and tells me he loves me.

A man that tells me I have changed his life in a good way, that he wants me not, needs me.

I need a man to buy me tampons when I thought I had one in the side pocket of my purse and I don’t.. (Thank you Nathan you have done this)

One that sees me for what I can be, not what I am at my worse moment.

I need a man that will love me truly, madly and deeply….

I don’t think that’s so much to ask.

The perfect man exist and isn’t a blow up doll or Tom Cruse.

Why does it burn when I pee?

I’m often amused when an older woman is called a cougar. I don’t find it offensive or a negative term. I myself would be considered a cougar…

ROAAAARRRR!

If that was only true. I’m more like a house cat than a sassy minx. I am married to a man that is somewhat younger than me almost seven years to be exact. I found being with a man that is 30 years old and me being well…. Do the math, don’t be so lazy, that sometimes we do not see eye to eye.

Don’t get me wrong he is a wonderful man. I know he loves me and that he will always protect me…..but

Giggle.. are you ready? Men his age are built like an old cowboy, taught not to show many emotions, be strong all the time and have not been exposed to true intimacy. If you think about today’s generation, people confuse sex and intimacy, or maybe people just don’t care about it anymore. I myself enjoy it, I don’t want it all the time but I like my daily dose.  Somehow though it’s been lost, having sex with someone is about as common as going to the movies. People have skipped dating and went straight to the GOOD stuff. Why is that? Don’t you people like holding hands, cuddling on a cold night?

In the months of single life after my divorce I noticed I too could care less about intimacy. I was in the mind set I was too tired to try, yeah I would shave my legs and more than likely wear deodorant when I went out but I didn’t want to wait 6 mths to get to know you. I wanted my needs met right then, little did I know that back massager could do the same thing.

So where do we go from here?  When will people see that just crashing into one another has nothing but a physical effect, it doesn’t teach the soul, it doesn’t make us better people….

It just makes it burn when we pee…

xoxoxox

Amanda

Smile, I'm back

To those who don't know about my earlier blogging days, let me tell you that those were some of the BEST days ever. It was a way to be a complete idiot and not be judged. I met a lot of great people and learned a lot about myself.

Things have changed in the last 2 years since my blogging days and I'm ready to get my feet wet again so to speak and share whats on my mind. Let me warn you off the bat, some days I'm silly, some days I'm a total wack-job, but EVERYDAY I'm just me. With that being said, some things I say should be taken with a grain of salt, I do love a little shock value so don't be concerned or send the men in the white coats.

The "real" me is saved for those I love, I keep a small part of me tucked away for those special people. However I will share the rest of my crazy sometimes redundant life. I have a crazy family but I love them truly, madly, deeply.

With that being said I will however make fun of them all, they are ALL fair game. If you cant laugh at others what fun is life? Family itself was created for pure entertainment.

So smile......I'm back